7/29/2010

I can't believe it has already been a year, seems like it was just yesterday that you passed on. And yet, at the same time, it seems like it has been so much longer...So much has happened in the last year. So much has changed. So many people have changed, some for the better, some not so much.

There has been a lot of family drama. That is one of the times I missed you most. I always felt so comfortable talking to you, you never judged me. I could say anything to you and know that nothing I said could change how you saw me, or what you thought of me. You always loved me unconditionally, and my kids too.

So often I hear from friends and other family members on how much they hate their in-laws....(Most of the time the mother in law or the father in law...) I consider myself really lucky to be able to say I really loved my mother in law. I really enjoyed spending time with her. I enjoyed how excited my kids would get when I would tell them Nana was coming over. I loved watching her interact with my kids. Not many people can say that, but I'm really glad that I can.

And all those things that I loved the most about her, are the things I miss the most. Those are the things that still feel fresh like you just passed away yesterday. I know everyone says "it gets better with time." But I don't know if I agree with that. I don't think it ever gets better, I don't think it ever hurts any less, how much you miss them never changes. But somehow or another things just keep going. And you get to the point that you realize that you have to sort of let it go, not think about it all the time. Learn the right times to think about that person. Times when you can freely let yourself feel whatever it is you need to feel. But so many people just tuck it away and never deal with it because its too hard or painful to think about.

It is hard to think about. I miss you a lot, A LOT. I would give anything to be able to spend one more Friday with you, anything to be able to tell my kids that nana is coming over to see them and play with them. But that's the cruel part of life, people get ripped away and that's it. But that is life.

I miss you Angela. I know your better off where you are. And your happy and free of any and every worry. So I'm happy for you, I'm happy that you are happy. It doesn't make it any easier for us back here who miss you, but that doesn't change my happiness for you. I love you. And Bailey and Addie love you.... And Zach, and Studley (He probably misses you the most, lol ;-)) Keep an eye on us, keep an eye on my kids. We'll see you again someday.........

Til then,
Kacie.......

The dog with the broken heart.

It's funny how things pop up just when you need to hear them. As I read this story, it was almost as if I had written it.

Nobody wanted Little bit. The Chihuahua with the tiny black body and oversized ears had been my widowed mother;s constant companion for the past 15 years. But she was one of the few possessions Mother forgot to list in her who-gets-what-upon-my-death notebook. My brother Randy got the fishing boat. My sister Mandy got the Christmas China. I got the antique dining room table.

But nobody wanted Little bit. "I can't take her." Rusty said. "My dogs would eat her for an appetizer." He was right. Little bit would never survive in a family that owned a German shepherd and a doberman pincer. "I can't take her," Mandy said. "Nobody's home at my house during the day. She'd be too lonely." My siblings looked at me. "I don't want her." I said.

The words were scarcely out of my mouth before pictures of my mother flashed through my mind, She was standing at the stove frying chicken, with Little bit waiting patiently at her feet for the first bite. She was sitting in her recliner, watching Wheel of Fortune on TV, with Little bit snuggled on her lap. And the last pictures of Mother curled up in a hospital ed, cancer consuming her body.

Hand me my notebook," she'd say. "I need to write somethings down." Mother listed all the items of value in her house and to whom they should be given. She left out nothing, from screwdrivers to shrimp forks. Except for little bit. It wasn't as though she could have forgotten about her. We had smuggled the six-pound dog into her room several times. The reunions were always joyful and tear-filled. So why was mother reluctant to say who would inherit her best friend once she was gone? Perhaps because my mother already knew where little bit would end up.

By default, little bit came to live at my house. And everything I dreaded cam to pass. She jumped on the furniture, she tormented the cats, she yelped all night long. She behaved like a spoiled princess. "I don't know how much more of this i can take," I told a friend after two weeks. " I'm going to try to find her someplace else to live," But finding a new home for little bit was easier said than done. When inquirers called in response to the ad i had placed on the newspaper, I was honest about her shortcomings- perhaps too honest. An elderly dog that jumped on furniture, tormented cats, and yelped all night long was hard to sell. Nobody wanted little bit.

Late one afternoon, in my despair, i threw myself into my recliner and began to sob. Not only had I lost my mother, i was stuck with her little dog. The more i thought about the injustice of it all, the harder i cried. Until something plopped into my lap. A six-pound something with brown eyes that locked into mine. I scratched the top of little bits hear. And then she began to cry. Not tears, of course, but the most pitiful whimpering I had ever heard.

That's when it him me. little bit hadn't been behaving like a princess. She's been behaving like someone eaten up with grief. Someone who'd had the person she loved more than anyone snatched away from her. just like me.
"You miss mother don't you, girl?" I scratched her hear. "So do I. But you know what? We'll make it through this thing together You and me." I reached for the remote control . "How about we turn on wheel of fortune and see if that makes us feel better?" But little bit didn't answer. She was snuggled in my lap snoring.

Day 9 – A photo of the item you last purchased.

Bought myself a pair of these puppies! I'm excited to try them out :)

Day 8 – A song to match your mood.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koVHN6eO4Xg

Day 7 – Your dream wedding.

Exactly.

Day 6 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet.

Skipped day 5. I don't have any pictures on here of me from two years ago.

So here is the animal I would love to have as a pet, a great dane.