Self Righteous Pedestal

Here I stand before you Searching for answers To questions I cannot perceive Trying earnestly to comprehend The bitterness in your heart The absence of humility in your soul How you amuse yourself Believing that disingenuous Acts of goodness Will somehow prevent the world From seeing you for who you truly are Why you work so diligently To hold others back To set up obstacles and landmines Only to make yourself feel better For only a soul that can never be trusted Will find it impossible to trust another Why should I swim against the currents To satisfy your illusions of peace Watching you abuse Your miniscule authority Lie, cheat, and deceive Yet stand on your self righteous pedestal As the self appointed keeper of this castle Here I stand before you Free of all the bitterness that consumes you Free of all the pettiness that inspires you And ultimately, free of all the poison That will one day come back to destroy you Create Date : Thursday, December 25, 2008 Mustafa Marconi

The perfect friend...

THE PERFECT FRIEND

Today I found a friend
who knew everything I felt.
She knew my weakness
and the problems I've been dealt.

She understood my wonders
and listened to my dreams,
She listened to how I felt about life and love
and knew what it all means.

Not once did she interrupt me
or tell me I was wrong
She understood what I was going through
and promised she'd stay long.

I reached out to this friend,
to show her that I care
to pull her close and let her know
how much I need her there.

I went to hold her hand
to pull her a bit nearer
and I realized this perfect friend I found
was nothing but a mirror.
© Shannen Wrass

Foolish Friendship

© Carmen Harlan

Today I stopped trying to be 'someone' for somebody who never thought of me as anyone appreciated and important to them.

Inside I know the space I had for them is now crushed and broken..

Let the facts be out in the open and the truth be spoken...

In time it will be for the best...although I feel an emptiness...knowing what I considered worthwhile..proved shallow and unreal.

I've learned sometimes emotions seem clearer than perception..and eventually can lead to a heartbreaking revelation that someone cherished proves that their friendship was in fact deception.

I cry tears of realization that once again I believed the lies that were in disguise and covered up...

Honesty was masked with coy flattery. Why was I so darn naive?

I can and will move on...but I won't forget I was forgot and actually believed a lie. Not a lie out of the mouth...but of the heart.

That piece of friendship is now many torn apart....

I mustn't be sorry for the encouragement and love I shared...because I know what I offered was itself a dare. A dare to let someone be a part of me...who didn't find a reason to care.

Moments like these are rare... moments that I feel what I felt to be 'nothing' now and bare.

Thanks for the lesson learned...and always remembered. You were a 'lucky' someone who successfully got a part of the best of me. Now I'll throw away the scattered and useless pieces and leave you be.

Source: Foolish Friendship - Loved And Lost, Lost Friend Poem http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/foolish-friendship--loved-and-lost#ixzz1ZvjR91AU
Family Friend Poems

A smile costs nothing, but gives much-
It takes but a moment, but the memory of it usually lasts forever.
None are so rich that can get along without it-
And none are so poor but that can be made rich by it.

It enriches those who receive, without making poor those who give-
It creates sunshine in the home,
Fosters good will in business,
And is the best antidote for trouble-
And yet it cannot be begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is of no value
Unless it is given away.

Some people are too busy to give you a smile-
Give them one of yours-
For the good Lord knows that no one needs a smile so badly
As he or she who has no more smiles left to give.

Karma.

Whatever you give away today
Or think or say or do
Will multiply about tenfold
And then return to you.

It may not come immediately
Nor from the obvious source,
But the LAW applies unfailingly
Through some invisible force.

Whatever you feel about another,
Be it love or hate or passion,
Will surely bounce right back to you
In some clear or secret fashion.

If you speak about some person,
A word of praise or two,
Soon tons of other people
Will speak kind words to you.

Our thoughts are broadcasts of the soul,
Not secrets of the brain.
Kind ones bring us happiness,
Petty ones, untold pain.

Giving works as surely as
Reflections in a mirror.
If hate you send, hate you'll get back,
But loving brings love nearer.

Remember, as you start this day,
And duty crowds your mind,
That kindness comes so quickly back,
To those who first are kind!

Let that thought and this one
Direct you through each day....
The only things we ever keep
Are the things we give away!

H.I.

Too many years of your guilt and your games
Finally, freedom from your put downs and blame
Relief rises up, wings spreading, flying far
Leaving you; taking back my shattered heart

Rising into sunshine; finally breaking free
Taking deep, clean breaths; it’s okay to be me
Your sick games and lies will haunt me no more
Left your shackles behind, walked out your door

To stay sane and relevant in spite of you
Kept running away; years of fighting for truth
Your narcissistic insanity ruled all my thoughts
Seems all I am to you…is everything I’m not

I never lived up to your expectations or dreams
There simply was no way I could please the queen
I was your punching bag; a scapegoat to abuse
I know now that who you really hate…is you

God gave me pity for you, showed me the truth
To feel good you have to crush those around you
You have to elevate yourself because you’re weak
Still, I’m disgusted by you; by the havoc you wreak

Nothing will ever satisfy the monster inside you
I’m SO over your drama and trauma; yes, I am through
I’m done being your source of narcissistic supply
It’s over, I’m gone; good riddance, good-bye

7/29/2010

I can't believe it has already been a year, seems like it was just yesterday that you passed on. And yet, at the same time, it seems like it has been so much longer...So much has happened in the last year. So much has changed. So many people have changed, some for the better, some not so much.

There has been a lot of family drama. That is one of the times I missed you most. I always felt so comfortable talking to you, you never judged me. I could say anything to you and know that nothing I said could change how you saw me, or what you thought of me. You always loved me unconditionally, and my kids too.

So often I hear from friends and other family members on how much they hate their in-laws....(Most of the time the mother in law or the father in law...) I consider myself really lucky to be able to say I really loved my mother in law. I really enjoyed spending time with her. I enjoyed how excited my kids would get when I would tell them Nana was coming over. I loved watching her interact with my kids. Not many people can say that, but I'm really glad that I can.

And all those things that I loved the most about her, are the things I miss the most. Those are the things that still feel fresh like you just passed away yesterday. I know everyone says "it gets better with time." But I don't know if I agree with that. I don't think it ever gets better, I don't think it ever hurts any less, how much you miss them never changes. But somehow or another things just keep going. And you get to the point that you realize that you have to sort of let it go, not think about it all the time. Learn the right times to think about that person. Times when you can freely let yourself feel whatever it is you need to feel. But so many people just tuck it away and never deal with it because its too hard or painful to think about.

It is hard to think about. I miss you a lot, A LOT. I would give anything to be able to spend one more Friday with you, anything to be able to tell my kids that nana is coming over to see them and play with them. But that's the cruel part of life, people get ripped away and that's it. But that is life.

I miss you Angela. I know your better off where you are. And your happy and free of any and every worry. So I'm happy for you, I'm happy that you are happy. It doesn't make it any easier for us back here who miss you, but that doesn't change my happiness for you. I love you. And Bailey and Addie love you.... And Zach, and Studley (He probably misses you the most, lol ;-)) Keep an eye on us, keep an eye on my kids. We'll see you again someday.........

Til then,
Kacie.......

The dog with the broken heart.

It's funny how things pop up just when you need to hear them. As I read this story, it was almost as if I had written it.

Nobody wanted Little bit. The Chihuahua with the tiny black body and oversized ears had been my widowed mother;s constant companion for the past 15 years. But she was one of the few possessions Mother forgot to list in her who-gets-what-upon-my-death notebook. My brother Randy got the fishing boat. My sister Mandy got the Christmas China. I got the antique dining room table.

But nobody wanted Little bit. "I can't take her." Rusty said. "My dogs would eat her for an appetizer." He was right. Little bit would never survive in a family that owned a German shepherd and a doberman pincer. "I can't take her," Mandy said. "Nobody's home at my house during the day. She'd be too lonely." My siblings looked at me. "I don't want her." I said.

The words were scarcely out of my mouth before pictures of my mother flashed through my mind, She was standing at the stove frying chicken, with Little bit waiting patiently at her feet for the first bite. She was sitting in her recliner, watching Wheel of Fortune on TV, with Little bit snuggled on her lap. And the last pictures of Mother curled up in a hospital ed, cancer consuming her body.

Hand me my notebook," she'd say. "I need to write somethings down." Mother listed all the items of value in her house and to whom they should be given. She left out nothing, from screwdrivers to shrimp forks. Except for little bit. It wasn't as though she could have forgotten about her. We had smuggled the six-pound dog into her room several times. The reunions were always joyful and tear-filled. So why was mother reluctant to say who would inherit her best friend once she was gone? Perhaps because my mother already knew where little bit would end up.

By default, little bit came to live at my house. And everything I dreaded cam to pass. She jumped on the furniture, she tormented the cats, she yelped all night long. She behaved like a spoiled princess. "I don't know how much more of this i can take," I told a friend after two weeks. " I'm going to try to find her someplace else to live," But finding a new home for little bit was easier said than done. When inquirers called in response to the ad i had placed on the newspaper, I was honest about her shortcomings- perhaps too honest. An elderly dog that jumped on furniture, tormented cats, and yelped all night long was hard to sell. Nobody wanted little bit.

Late one afternoon, in my despair, i threw myself into my recliner and began to sob. Not only had I lost my mother, i was stuck with her little dog. The more i thought about the injustice of it all, the harder i cried. Until something plopped into my lap. A six-pound something with brown eyes that locked into mine. I scratched the top of little bits hear. And then she began to cry. Not tears, of course, but the most pitiful whimpering I had ever heard.

That's when it him me. little bit hadn't been behaving like a princess. She's been behaving like someone eaten up with grief. Someone who'd had the person she loved more than anyone snatched away from her. just like me.
"You miss mother don't you, girl?" I scratched her hear. "So do I. But you know what? We'll make it through this thing together You and me." I reached for the remote control . "How about we turn on wheel of fortune and see if that makes us feel better?" But little bit didn't answer. She was snuggled in my lap snoring.

Day 9 – A photo of the item you last purchased.

Bought myself a pair of these puppies! I'm excited to try them out :)

Day 8 – A song to match your mood.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koVHN6eO4Xg

Day 7 – Your dream wedding.

Exactly.

Day 6 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet.

Skipped day 5. I don't have any pictures on here of me from two years ago.

So here is the animal I would love to have as a pet, a great dane.

Day 3 – Your idea of the perfect first date.

Crayons...

While walking in a toy store
The day before today,
I overheard a Crayon Box
With many things to say.
"I don't like red!" said Yellow.
And Green said, "Nor do I!
And no one here likes Orange,
But no one knows quite why."
"We are a box of crayons
that really doesn't get along,"
Said Blue to all the others.
"Something here is wrong!
Well, i bought that box of crayons
And took it home with me
And laid out all the crayons
So the crayons could all see
They watched me as I colored
With Red and Blue and Green
And Black and White and Orange
And every color in between
They watched as Green became the grass
And Blue became the sky.
The Yellow sun was shining bright
On White clouds drifting by.
Colors changing as they touched,
Becoming something new.
They watched me as I colored.
They watched till I was through.
And when I'd finally finished,
I began to walk away.
And as I did the Crayon box
Had something more to say...
"I do like Red!" said the Yellow
And Green said, "So do I!
And Blue you are terrific!
So high up in the sky."
We are a Box of Crayons
Each of us unique,
But when we get together
The picture is complete.

Day 2 –

Day 2 – A photo of something you ate today.

Day 1 –

Day 1 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.



Today was a pretty lazy, uneventful day. Me and the girls are sick. :(

Other then that it was a pretty good day. Everyone has been in a pretty good mood today aside from the sniffles, coughing, fever, and sneezing.

30 days...

So my friend Kaitlin is doing this on her blog...And I'm going to do it too.

Day 1 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.
Day 2 – A photo of something you ate today.
Day 3 – Your idea of the perfect first date.
Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend.
Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago.
Day 6 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet.
Day 7 – Your dream wedding.
Day 8 – A song to match your mood.
Day 9 – A photo of the item you last purchased.
Day 10 – A photo of your favorite place to eat.
Day 11 – What’s in your makeup bag?
Day 12 – A photograph of the town you live in.
Day 13 – Your favorite musician and why?
Day 14 – A TV show you’re currently addicted to.
Day 15 – Something you don’t leave the house without.
Day 16 – Your celebrity crush.
Day 17 – A photo of you and your family.
Day 18 – Something you crave a lot.
Day 19 – Another picture of yourself.
Day 20 – The meaning behind your blog name.
Day 21 – A photo of something that makes you happy.
Day 22 – A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.
Day 23 – 15 facts about you.
Day 24 – A photo of something that means a lot to you.
Day 25 – What’s in your purse?
Day 26 – A photo of somewhere you’ve been to.
Day 27 – A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then?
Day 28 – Your favorite movie.
Day 29 – Something you could never get tired of doing.
Day 30 – A photograph of yourself today + three good things that have happened in the past.

Angela.

If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane.
I would walk right up to Heaven and bring you back again.
No farewell words were spoken, No time to say "Goodbye".
You were gone before I knew it, and only God knows why.
My heart still aches with sadness, and secret tears still flow.
What it meant to love you - No one can ever know.

But now I know you want me to mourn for you no more;
To remember all the happy times life still has much in store.
Since you'll never be forgotten, I pledge to you today~
A hollowed place within my heart is where you'll always stay.



I miss you. Everyday. I would give anything to have spent your birthday with you today instead of dealing with all the family drama that went on.

Bailey was very sweet to studley today. I know it made you happy.

Its amazing how much life can change when you lose someone, but everything around you keeps going like nothing happened.

The girls miss you, and they love to look at pictures of you, and watch that video of you playing the accordion. Bailey calls it " Nana's heaven."

Happy birthday Angela.

My quote for the month.....

There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout.....

"This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole COMPLEX package. Take me, or leave me. Accept me, or walk away. DO NOT try to make me feel like less of a person just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be. And do not try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I ALONE will make that decision."