Miss you.....

I never knew it was possible to miss someone so much.

To just want to sit and talk to someone so bad that it hurts. (We had some of the best conversations, I could always be myself and say anything, you always accepted me.)

To want to give someone a hug so bad it makes you ache. (You gave great hugs, not the fake soft hugs, the good hugs, where you squeeze)

To want to call you and talk to you about all the drama that has happened since you left, just to hear what you would say about it all. What you would think about everything that is going on.

Not a day goes by that I don't wish I could talk to you or spend time with you.

Not a Friday goes by where I don't expect a call from you asking what I want for lunch before you come over. Or if the kids have had lunch yet, and if not what you should get them.

Not a day goes by where I don't miss seeing my kids excited faces when I tell them that Nana is going to come over to play......

Every time I put my sunglasses on I think of you....

I miss you. And everyday I wonder when I will get to the point where it doesn't hurt quite so bad.....

Happy turkey/tofurkey day :-)

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something,
for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations,
because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge,
because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes.
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary,
because it means you've made a difference.

It's easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who
are also thankful for the setbacks.

Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,
and they can become your blessings.

RIP.....

You are loved more then you will ever know, and you will be GREATLY missed!!!!!!!! LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!

Homeless and pregnant.

Just watched this show on TLC. And I have to say I have never felt more sad or depressed in my entire life.
I cannot imagine having to go through a pregnancy and not have a home. Not having a shower, or a bed, or a room or crib for your baby. Having to sleep in a tent everynight, and having to clean yourself in stream water. All the while knowing that if you don't find a home for yourself and your baby, the state will most likely take your new baby away from you.

Its just so sad to me and it makes my heart ache because I know there are so many people in the world with those same circumstances. I wish I could just help everyone so no one ever had to go through that. I know the next time I think my life is hard, all I have to do is think of this show. The smallest things that we take for granted, having a toilet, or a shower, or a bed, are things people have to go without.

May 26th, 2010

Came home early today cause I wasnt feelin too great. Kinda wish I was sick more often and still got paid the same amount cause I totally loved being home a couple hours earlier than normal. I love coming home and being greeted by Bailey's hugs, Addison yelling, "Hi Dada" and getting a nice and loving compassion hug from my beautiful bride. Today was a day where I was able to soak in all the things I am grateful for. In spite of dealing with normal day to day problems that so often drive and split famlies apart, I find myself feeling so blessed and lucky to have what I have. Its silly for me to get worked up about not having certain things in life. But the reality of it is, that things are just things and can easilly be replaced or purchased. A loving family to come home to cant so easily be found. I may not have be filthy rich and have wads of cash falling out of my pocket, but I am more rich than I could ever imagine.

Just me.

People often times ask, say, or mention that they think that I am too negative. And I would have to agree, sometimes.
In a world filled with murder, and children who don't have food, and war, and sickness, and death, and so on where do you find the balance between feeling the negative, doing what you can to help, and being grateful for what you have? Everyday I find myself struggling with that. Most days I am wonderful and happy and grateful for everything that I have, and couldn't ask for more. Some days I find myself so consumed with trying to find something I can do to make a difference in the world, or make a difference in someones life. And yes, every once in a while I find myself feeling sorry for myself wishing that I had more money, or more material things, and so on.
I've just now come to the conclusion that that is the balance. You need to strive to make a difference where you can, be grateful for all that you have, and yes, sometimes, it is even okay to feel sorry for yourself, so long as you don't let that be the majority of what you think about.
I have a wonderful family, a great and supportive husband, and BEAUTIFUL children. I am truly blessed even though sometimes I struggle to see that. It is so easy to be negative in today's world, with all the bad things that happen or that can happen, and all the sad things that you see everyday. Life is a beautiful, ugly, happy, sad, wonderful journey. You just have to take it one day at a time and do everything you can to make every second of everyday count.
I am grateful for EVERYTHING in my life, all the good, bad, sad, and happy. Everything that you go through makes you a stronger person.

I love everyone in my life, whatever role you may play. People are wonderful, amazing creatures. And as I go through life trying to figure everything out, I hope that people can be as understanding to me as I would be to them.